Congratulations Hamas!!!!!!! Once a zany group of clowns who attended childrens party's, made balloon animals, let kids play with baby camels and blew up Israeli's...well no more! Like all middle aged hippies they wised up and realized that money and not spiritualism makes the world go around. So, like those hippies from the Woodstock era, Hamas has put their followers in suits and ties and sent them into the real world to earn an honest living, well as honest as a life in politics can be.
Like their Woodstock era pals, Hamas has realized that the really big money in this crazy world is to be made by sucking it out of the United States treasury. Thats right, the folks who once felt at home driving in a car bomb are now at home in new Mercedes S-Class mega-limo's! Boy did these guys smarten up in a hurry!
Of course there has to be a catch. The bad boy from Texas finds himself in somewhat of a quandry. The United States does not fund terrorist organisations and for some reason Hamas is listed among terrorist organizations like Al Qaeda (Worldwide), G.O.P. (Congress), Nationalist Liberation Army (Columbia), E.T.A. (Spain), R.N.C. (Whitehouse), I.R.A. (Paddy's Ale House), among others. The big problem is with Congress who aren't really in a giving mood to most of these groups after the disaster of the Tom Delay scandal. (Did he actually think he could redistrict part of Texas into Cuba?) Add to this the plot by the Jack Abramoff to sell most of central U.S. to K.A.O.S. (luckily foiled by "Smart" people.)
Unfortunately, if the United States stops sending $400 million per year to stabilize the Palestinian Authority and keep thousands of Palestinians employed there could be a run on the Jerusalem tabouli market. This of course would cause a domino effect worldwide with futures in the falafel, hommus, gyro and souvlaki sectors being adversely affected. A run on these sectors must inevitibly lead to a strain on the world weiner supply. No bucks = No Dirty Dogs.
Luckily I have been thinking about this problem and I am happy to offer my solution to the President. Mr.Bush can keep the aid flowing but not as "aid" per say. Instead he can claim he is funding a "faith based initiative." This will keep Palestinians and his conservative religious based happy.